Repeat if Needed

Operation Bring Back The Words

(I'm copying Ginger with her Operation Bring Back The Words idea.  She's a smartie.  Never too late to join!)

Nothing jumpstarts my desire to post like a little Blathering excitement.  Since they announced the smaller group size, the attendee list has grown (as of this minute there is only ONE TICKET LEFT. GO GET IT!), I want to write things and get back in touch with all my favorites. 

This post is short, but I wanted to share these links from Kristin (from Iowa Girl Eats) trip to Charleston so that you can get excited if you're coming too! One, two and three.  YUM and OOOH, PRETTY.

Because *I* Enjoyed It

Today was kind of A DAY at work.  But sitting next to the copy machine at my office was this cool poster from Girls on the Run- an organization I LOVE.  I spent a lot of time looking at and enjoying it today and since I didn't want to send an annoying trail of pictures to Twitter, I'm posting these here for anyone who'd like to see them.  

These girls, this organization and this poster helped me today and made me smile.  Gold star.

(PS- I tried to exclude any easily recognizable photos of individual girls, but if I didn't do it well enough let me know and down it will go.)

Other People's Fun Ideas

Copying this guy from Ginger! (Laura did it too!)
Do you have any strange phobias? I fear I have kind of a lot of strange phobias.  Goats. (SQUARE EYES.) Birds. (SHARP BEAKS. Plus DIRTY, if you're in a city.) 

Do you sleep with or without clothes on? It depends on where I am.

If you are outside, what are you most likely doing? Running.  Commuting to work.  Walking to lunch. SOMETIMES hiking, but I do this much less than I'd like to.

Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band? Ever and EVER? I can't answer this, I don't think.  There are SO MANY.  Plus, I'm more of a song person than an entire-body-of-work person.

Do you believe in karma? Yes. Definitely.

Who is your celebrity crush? Landry Fields. (Currently playing with the Toronto Raptors.) Bradley Cooper. Channing Tatum. (Even BETTER? STEP UP CHANNING TATUM.)

What’s a sound you hate; sound you love? Hate: Oh gosh, someone chewing with their mouth open.  (I just twitched.) Love: Waves.

Choose: East Coast or West Coast? West.  But if my family lived somewhere else, it could very easily be East.

What was the last book you read? I'm reading Wild by Cheryl Strayed right now. So far, AMAZING.

Do you like the smell of gasoline? I don't go out of my way to sniff it, but I don't mind it.

Do you have any nicknames? Charlie (surprise!), but more recently one of my coworkers started calling me Chuck and I LOVE IT. 

What was the last movie you saw? Les Miserables.  I took myself out on a solo movie date because I was so sad that I missed it opening weekend.  It turned out to be ok since I was not a fan.

What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had? I guess my broken collarbone as a kid? (I got it falling off a shelf in the back of a one-ton truck where I was taking a nap while it was driving.  Weird.)

What’s the last thing you purchased? I was lucky enough to win the random drawing the first week of Biggest Blogging Loser and I but that money toward some Project Life items.  SUPER excited about it.

Can you touch your nose with your tongue? Nope. And I look absolutely ridiculous when I try. 

Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you? I bought a pink belt for $2.88 from the Loft yesterday and it's still just sitting there on my loveseat.

What’s your favorite animal? Elephants! Monkeys! Piglets! Rhinos! Hippos! Giraffes! (Sorry, hard question.)

What were you doing last night at 12 AM? Sleeping, actually.  (Most nights that's not true.)
What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it? Make Her Fall In Love With Me Song (George Strait)

What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far? Changing industries, career-wise.

What’s the last song you listened to? Well, honestly, the song I mentioned two questions ago.  But before that it was Red Light Special by TLC.

What is your current desktop picture? I don't use one! Isn't that strange?
 

You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power? Isn't there a power somewhere in some book I read where you can change the emotion in a room/for other people? THAT. I would do that. You know how you hear people and you want to just take away the anxiety and self-doubt? I would totally be able to DO that.  AWESOME.

You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again? It's absurd how long I've been thinking of an answer to this question.  I don't think I have one yet.

You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go? Japan! Packing my camera and heading for Alyssa.

 

Things that sound fun

I've said before that I'm not really a resolutions person or a goal person or someone who PLANS things.  This isn't because I don't think it's worth doing, it's because I'm a little like a small child and I get easily distracted and even things I really WANT to do don't always get done because OTHER THINGS I WANT TO DO COME ALONG.  But I'm trying to be a thoughtful and intentional person and THAT kind of person makes goals and has plans and writes things down.  

My first rule here is that it's not going to be the end of the world if one of these things doesn't happen.  I'm hoping that that doesn't become a trap for excuses since I just mean that if it turns out I HATE something and I don't have a single pro on the pro/con list I can stop and not beat myself up about it.  In that spirit, I've tried to really distill these items down so that they can be easily accomplished while being both challenging AND manageable.  SO.  Here are my resolutions/goals/things I'm doing this year/list.  In no particular oder.

Take 30 yoga classes.

I need to slow down and I need to think before I talk and I need to calm the heck down.  30 classes.  Some point over the course of the year.

Make a career decision.

I'm at a little crossroads at work where I could decide that I love exactly what I'm doing and I want to do it for a long time.  And I know that I love it, but it's the "long time with no other opportunities in neighboring tasks" part that potentially has me caught up.  I'd like to decide this year so that I don't squander the very real options that I currently have.

Cook one new recipe a week.

I'm actually a really good cook.  My problem is that I tend to make the same 5 things over and over with the same flavors and techniques because it's easy and I don't need to think about it.  I'd love to expand that this year and one recipe a week is easy and exciting.

Run 3 miles in 27 minutes.

Ha. HAA. I know.  That is REALLY FAST.  I'm pretty sure my current pace is somewhere around 3 miles in 42 minutes.  But I have run faster before and I've seen other people do it (and they ALSO thought it wasn't going to happen for them), so I want to give myself that chance.  I CAN DO THAT.  

Volunteer at least 12 times throughout the year.

I generally volunteer a few times a year with a variety of organizations.  This year, I'd love to find a few that I can commit to on a more long-term basis.

(For various reasons, I was working through some goals with Kevin and so we ALSO have couple goals.  I'm sharing these too because they are fun and I want to commit to these too.  Here they are:)

Attend 6 music performances.

Did you know I was a band geek?  BIG TIME.  And I really, really love music.  I used to go to a performance (of some kind) at least once a week, but people and time slots disappear easily and I rarely go at all.  It is one of the things I miss most.

Eat at 4 Michelin Star rated restaurants.

Self-explanatory. Bring me all the food.

Take a vacation to Europe. Including France and/or Spain/Italy.

Kevin and I have been wanting to take this trip for years, but it's one of those things that easily slips away in favor of easier trips and more time at work, etc.  Between crazy work schedules and available time off and simple planning (did you know it's now about $900 to fly to Spain? I DID NOT), we just haven't.  We're planning for this to be the year.

Complete a 10k, an obstacle course and a half-marathon.

I've completed all these distances before, but Kevin hasn't.  I will happily never again run a full marathon, but I don't mind a half distance and when I asked him if he had a race in mind (this is a REALLY funny question to ask a non-racer) he acted as though he didn't know there was a difference. (And um, there really is.  Although I guess you wouldn't REALLY know that unless you'd looked into it before so he probably wasn't "acting".  Courses vary by temperature and terrain and all SORTS of things.)  But here's the good part: my favorite half course was in Hawaii and when I suggested it HE WAS SOLD.  So, there's a REALLY good chance that I'll get to repeat my favorite course later this year: small race, gorgeous views, amazing people along the way and HAWAII afterwards*.  SIGN ME THE EFF UP.

(* Also FOOD afterwards.  Last time, I had my finisher dinner at this resturant where they served ox tail ravioli and I cannot think of a single thing that could be better after running 13.1 miles.  MELT IN YOUR MOUTH OX TAIL RAVIOLI.)

Here are a few other things that aren't exactly resolutions, but they're in the works and I'm excited about them so:

* Visit Alyssa. (Did I mention she's in Tokyo?)

* Head to Charleston for The Blathering.

* De-fluffify myself.

And FINALLY.  Here's a resolution that I'd LOVE some help on:

I am not a good keeper-in-toucher.  I really want to be.  I want to keep in touch with all my friends and make sure they know that I'm thinking about them and remembering them.  I'd like to be able to make plans and see them when I can.  I am TERRIBLE at this.  As an example: I visited my best girlfriend from grad school in July in New York.  We had a great time.  After, I emailed her once. She texted me Happy New Year.  That's a pretty unacceptable chain of communication and while that's certainly a two way thing, it's kind of a pattern FOR ME and I HATE it.  I have about 13 emails in my inbox now that I've been trying to reply to for WEEKS.  LITERALLY.

How do you do it?  Facebook?  Texts?  Emails?  I've thought about blocking out a half hour in the morning and just running down a list of people I want to stay in touch with and sending a quick email or text.  But that seems so mechanical and as though there MUST BE A BETTER WAY.

Tell me your secrets?

The Year 2012 and its kind of, sort of suckitude

It appears that the last time I did this Sundry questionnaire was for the year 2010 and although I SWEAR I've done it for other years WHO KNOWS.  It could have been a WHOLE DIFFERENT BLOG.  In any case, here it is for 2012.

1. What did you do in 2012 that you’d never done before?

Besides the Blathering (which somehow feels like it could populate MOST of the answers on this list), not much.  On a somewhat down note, the only thing that comes to mind was the emergency landing on Oahu when I expected to arrive on Maui/ complete with fire trucks and screeching brakes and people screaming.  Hey, did you know I HATE FLYING unless I do it REALLY REGULARLY?  It had been months since I'd been on a plane at that point.  Bonus: I still ended up in HAWAII. So.  I guess it was FINE.

On an UP note (because I can't just leave a stupid DOWN note, whether or not it resulted in Hawaii), I completed a Whole 30! Yay, me! 

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
  

I'm not GOOD at resolutions and I really want to be.  So, I'm going to make some this year, both personally and professionally.  And I'm giving myself another week or two to get those written down because it's going to take at least a little bit of crowd-sourcing and one nice lovely, new pen and some crisp, thick paper.  

As far as last year... I didn't make any so I didn't NOT keep them.  NEUTRAL. SWITZERLAND.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?


Many, many friends had tiny little nuggets who are VERY CUTE and many of my Pocket Friends had babies who I would like to meet (and settle for Instagram photos of).  A bit more closely, my sister had her third baby in October- a sweet little girl who is pretty darn adorable.  (Some interesting background: my sister has two boys and was told the second boy was going to be a girl until a very late ultrasound revealed the inaccuracy of the FIRST ultrasound.  We kind of didn't think she'd have another, but she did and it's the girl that she already had  A LOT of pink for.  Which is awesome.  My sister is the type of person who informed my brother in law just before Christmas that the 9-wk-old needed a jewelry box.  I'm delighted for her.)

4. Did anyone close to you die?
 

I received a text at work one afternoon that my very first boss had passed away.  I point out that I received it via TEXT and while I was AT WORK because I think it's kind of a strange way to tell someone that someone has passed when THE PERSON RECEIVING THE INFORMATION is not expecting the news at all.  It was an absolute shock and I had tears down my cheeks before I even remembered I was at work.

She was an amazing woman who was vibrant and a real community presence who loved the CRAP out of her kids (I was a Day Camp Leader, she had none of her own so she took on the entire city's worth of little ones).  I can only hope that I am able to remember her spirit by passing on that love, concern, attention to others in her honor.

5. What countries did you visit?

Hm. No countries this year!  In fact, this might have been the slowest year of travel I've had in ages.  I went to Hawaii in March and New Orleans in November.  

6. What would you like to have in 2013 that you lacked in 2012? 

A clearer definition of my current relationship.  A business that's at least a small bit more than it is right now.  Some growth on my career goals (and clarity on what those are).

7. What dates from 2012 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?  

Oct 13th and the surrounding weeks when one of my very best friends got married.  It was wonderful to have her in town (from Tokyo) and get to help her and just be with her and her family and share some of her friends and make them my new friends.  

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Work.  Which I feel good about, because who doesn't WANT to be able to say that they're good at their job and that they really love it (which I do)?  It's also a growth area for me because I know that I need to be able to more clearly define my career path and I also need to figure out how to be better about working AND living.  (To clarify, I mean my full-time job here, not my photography business.  For THAT, working IS living.)

9. What was your biggest failure?

I want to be calmer, I want to be fitter, I want to be more me.  All the time.  It's less of a failure and more of an ongoing quest.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?  

I continue to have pretty rotten immune system that invites every bug to take up residence, but nothing major.  Yay!

11. What was the best thing you bought? 

Anything Blathering related.  Getting to meet my favorite internet people was so amazing and so rewarding. 

12. Where did most of your money go?

Just bills.  I'd like for more to go to travel and champagne, however.

13. What did you get really excited about?  

In September, I finally got to meet Jennie in person when she came into town.  I have lots of things to say about Jennie, all of them marvelous, but mostly I have this: knowing Jennie makes everything else better.  She has this ability to amass love in this huge way that just lets you know that she GETS IT and that she wants all the good and important things to come raining down upon your shoulders and that she ALSO wants you to find a really nice pair of shoes.  There is nothing too big or too small that she won't wish for for you.  I can't think of a more wonderful quality in a friend and I feel incredibly lucky and delighted that I get to keep her.  FOREVER.  (Not creepy.)

So, not only was I excited to see her in September (and then again in New Orleans), but (to answer the question) she excited me about ME.  About being the things I want to be and, specifically, having the business I want to have.  Since September, I've become inspired and reinvigorated and EXCITED about growing and it's SUCH a huge, huge gift.  

14. What song will always remind you of 2012? 

Somebody That I Used To Know (Gotye feat Kimbra)

15. Compared to this time last year, are you:


– happier or sadder? I'm going to call this flat.  I have had an incredibly rich and lucky year in SO many ways.  But there are bits that are sadder and so... it's a wash.

– thinner or fatter? Um. FATTER. 

– richer or poorer? Poorer.

16. What do you wish you’d done more of?


Traveled more.  Exercised more.  Worked smarter (less).  Seen more friends, both quantity and consistency.

17. What do you wish you’d done less of?


Less worry and anxiety.  Less reading of Yahoo Comments.  Less stress bagels.  

18. How did you spend Christmas? 

On Friday night, I got into a car accident on the way to pick up my mom, sister and nieces for an evening shopping trip. (Thank God it happened before they were in the car.)

On Saturday, I picked up a rental and retrieved them all for that trip and fielded very stressful questions all day long.  This was a bad choice.  I know that now.  I should have stayed at home and had tea and watched Netflix.

On Sunday, full of anxiety I exploded into a ball of frustration that didn't dissipate through Christmas Eve.  I tried really hard, but I didn't set myself up well.

I hoped Christmas would pick up after Mass, but then at our celebration my family didn't tell me what time to arrive and started opening gifts without me (I live three minutes away.  Literally.)  Considering I am the only one without children, that gift opening is the only Christmas I have and it was... hurtful.  Unintentional, I'm SURE, but I was holding back tears.  (Did I mention the ball of frustration?)  I felt better after a bit and it was A GREAT evening with tamales and cheesecake and my aunt and uncle.  They live close and we saw them ALL the time as kids, but rarely now as all my cousins have moved away and don't really visit.  My uncle brought board games and card games for the bigger kids and we played and it was SO FUN and, whew.  CHRISTMAS.

19. What was your favorite TV program?

Parenthood.  It's a good thing.

20. What were your favorite books of the year? 

I read both too much and too little.  I don't have a favorite, but I enjoyed the last 1/8 of Night Circus immensely.

21. What was your favorite music from this year?
 

Fun.

22. What were your favorite films of the year?  

Hm.  Nothing super notable, actually.  I did get to go see Hunger Games with the girlfriend mentioned above before she moved away and it was SUCH A TREAT and we cried in the theater and didn't bring enough napkins for popcorn grease AND tears and it was a fantastic time.

23. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? 

My family had a little party for me in the afternoon.  I went with Kevin for Mexican food in the evening (after trying to secure reservations somewhere yummy unsuccessfully), but it was an emotional relationship time so it was... strange?  Not awkward, just not as expected.  I was 31.

24. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?  

Consistent exercise.  

25. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2012?

Um, is lounge wear a fashion concept?  I bought Toms too! And soft scarves.

26. What kept you sane? 

Feelings Club. (Thank you, THANK YOU for this, ladies.  I know I missed a few due to work (I'm working on getting better at that), but the standing appointment to see you and talk and have a nice dinner has truly, seriously meant so much to me.  Let's have more Feelings.)

Alyssa.

Pocket Friends.  Especially those who I feel are real, awesome LIFE friends like Miranda (who is close enough to SEE and HANG OUT WITH) and Jess and Susie (well, mostly I just want to kidnap Susie and make her hang out with me all the time.  She's totally my speed.)  (These ladies join my pocket friends from Feelings Club above, who are TREMENDOUS and LOVELY and I want to see more of. Especially Leah.)

27. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2012.

I don't have a good answer for this one.  I learned a lot and I'm still mucking through it and I'm grateful for the lessons of the year.

Bleh. And non-bleh.

1. I'm not NOT writing about last Friday for any particular reason.  SO many people have done it and have crafted beautiful posts, etc.  It's not just that I don't have anything new to add, it's not that I think nonsense on my blog (me me me) is more important.  I just have Very Big Feelings about it while ALSO feeling like it's so far away from anything I can understand (although I don't think empathy really equals assumed ownership) and I can't sum it up and, well, it's there.  Like it is for everyone, I think.

2. I assume everyones schedule is jam-packed and insane right now, but hopefully yours involves more cookies and parties and sparkly dresses.  I haven't had a cookie (save for a few Candy Cane Oreos I used to hold me over from my morning stress bagel to my 4pm lunch) and I skipped a party I was SO excited about last Friday because it started at 8pm and I got home from work about 830.  I don't own a sparkly dress.  I have bought three gifts for Christmas and this afternoon I realized that THAT IS HAPPENING IN ABOUT THREE DAYS, HOLY BAJEEZ.  One of the gifts I bought turned out to be a microscopic doll and although my 4 yr old niece is small, she's not THAT SMALL, AMAZON.

I'm fortunate (?) that my company closes down between Christmas and New Year's, but while this seems exciting! and wonderful! and permissive!, it is also a bit of a PAIN IN THE ASS because it just means that there are THINGS that have to be accomplished NOW and if they are not accomplished there will be NO ONE to do them later and then I'll be over a week behind.  I am having stress nightmares about our international partners emailing me and saying if I miss a deadline before the New Year something won't happen and things won't ship and I WILL DESTROY EVERYTHING.  But I won't GET that email because we're TECHNICALLY CLOSED and I will come back on Jan 2nd or 3rd (I should clear up when that date actually IS) and everything will be ruined.  RUINED.  

Clearly, I am a hair stressed.

And then tonight was my first big Christmas-y event, the Christmas Pageant/Concert/Thing at my nephew's school and I picked up my mom to save her from driving and parking and taking herself since she's on the way and I use my heater (I suspect she doesn't use the heater in her car because it uses up some expensive... car resource that does not exist).  It was so cute and my nephew actually sang with his class this year (the first graders) and the kindergartners BELTED their song and everyone was DARLING and I got to hold my two-month-old niece who was wearing a penguin hat and LO! HOLIDAY SPIRIT arrived on the wings of a brilliant, packed church and small-people voices.

Which was soon ruined because sometimes my mom is anxious socially and she solves this problem by picking on the people around her and being awkward and lashing out at her family and she MEANS WELL, I KNOW she doesn't UNDERSTAND her own actions and their effects, but MAN.  IT CAN BE THE WORST.  I'd like to think I handle these situations well, but I'm sure in reality I don't respond appropriately.  I should get that I'm not going to get her to understand my position.  I should get that she's capable of change, but maybe not that one.  I should be kinder and more understanding and let the words and the in-the-moment insults just kind of fade away until she feels silly, but (as you might be able to tell by that incredibly outrageous paragraphy about WORK STRESS DREAMS) I just don't feel CAPABLE right now.  And there are so many ISSUES there (and for her there is always one HUGE one that she pulls out whenever I disagree with her) (not the baby thing, despite tonight's tweet) and I wish we could all just manage ourselves for a little while.  My emotional fuel is dangerously low and that's a rough place when I can't just say how I feel and somehow need to be the bigger person.  MAYBE TODAY I CAN BE THE LITTLE PERSON.  (Probably not.)

3. I have a lot (A LOT) of good.

    I shot an AMAZING wedding earlier this month and got to hang out with some internet friends and it was PHENOMENAL.  (I shot ANOTHER internet friend just after Thanksgiving and her family was so beautiful and I had so much FUN.  I sometimes find it odd that I ever thought the internet was full of strange people (although, well, at the time I had plenty of experience backing up THAT theory too).  I'm so pleased to have found all the BEST Internet People.)

    My family made Christmas tamales when I was in New Orleans.  This means that I don't have to do ANY dinner cooking for the day and ALSO, I did not have to do any PREP in November and I THINK WE CAN ALL AGREE THAT WAS GREAT PLANNING.

    My tiny niece was baptized last Saturday and she's so cute and it's fun to REMEMBER that and there's Chrism and AH.  THAT was a good day.  My sister made tacos.  I got her a fair trade stuffed lamb.  (Hippie.) (Me.)

    I LOVE my job.  Even the stress dreams don't take anything away from it.

    Last night I met up with an old coworker (from the Job from Hell) and it was fun and she's looking for a new job and I might be able to help her.  It would be nice to have more people I like around me and it would be AWESOME to get her on board with my company (for everyone).  Also, there was wine and beet bruschetta and avocado bruschetta.

    My Birchbox had Kerastase samples. Who could ask for anything more?

*** 

I'm going to post the rest of my New Orleans pictures here because (at my posting rate) you'd still be seeing them in MARCH.  Ah, New Orleans.  That's ANOTHER great thing.

On Nice Pocket Friends

I've been hesitant to respond to comments (or even post) since my post before last where I talk about food and eating and how I just don't feel like myself.  Thank you, everyone, for your nice words and you all are lovely and I wish you could come over for champagne.  I have VERY nice pocket friends and VERY nice out-of-pocket friends and I am a lucky, loved girl.

***

1. New realization: good intentions don't really matter if you don't DO THE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO.

Ok, so this is kind of a dumb statement. I get it. Not Earth shattering. It's another variation of needing to get organized and remembering the things that I want to do, the things that are REALLY important to me that I, I don't know, push further and further down my to-do list.  Actually, THAT'S the problem.  I don't HAVE a to-do list.  I get these ideas and I'm excited about them and I start on Step 1 of 5.  But then shit stays at Step 2 for an ungodly amount of time until I REMEMBER and THEN it happens.  New idea (which I'm CLEARLY the FIRST PERSON IN HISTORY TO HAVE): WRITE THINGS DOWN. FORCE YOURSELF.

This doesn't happen at work. I don't miss things and I'm actually (annoyingly) the kind of person who is frustrated if OTHER people miss things.  Certainly, when someone is PAYING you MONEY to follow through on a set list of tasks, most people are going to do that. (Surprisingly, not all! It's shocking!)  But at work, I always know what I'm supposed to be doing and when it's supposed to be done and I work well under those conditions. Make a to-do list, SELF. THIS IS SIMPLE. GEEZ.

2. I am terrified of goats.

Several years ago, when my boyfriend and I had just started dating, we were talking on the phone late at night.  I guess he didn't know about this goat fear of mine and we started talking about it and I'm like "LOOK. Goats. They are TERRIFYING." As someone who grew up on a farm in the middle of nowhere, who HAD goats and thinks baby goats are some of the cutest creatures EVER, well.  Let's just say he didn't understand.  "Goats are great!  They climb EVERYWHERE and they eat things and they're really nice! They're just goats! What kind of person is scared of goats?"

THIS KIND OF PERSON RIGHT HERE.

So, to bolster my argument surrounding goats and their sheer horror, I told him that they have scary devil eyes.  And, although he wasn't in the room or even within a 30 mile radius, I decided to Google image search "goat eyes." Because I am clearly not smart and ALSO, I must have FORGOTTEN how the internet WORKS. YOU probably know what happens when you Google image search "goat eyes" because you're an intelligent person who knows that you're just going to have about TWENTY GOAT EYES STARING AT YOU FROM A LUMINESCENT SCREEN.

About this time, I notice that someone is shining a flashlight into my window.  I was renting a house with my best friends and their two babies at the time (long story involving an under-water townhouse and a fast adoption) and despite the crowd, I was still my regular paranoid self.  Our back yard kind of backed up against the neighbor's yard and they had dogs (well, we ALSO had dogs) and I'm thinking it's the guy next door looking for poop/raccoons/runaway pets.  But it keeps happening and, given the fact that an entire goat farm just climbed through my computer screen and violated me with their square beady pupils, I GET SCARED.  ANYTHING COULD BE HAPPENING.  UFO? SERIAL KILLER WITH BAD FLASHLIGHT SKILLS? OFFENDED GOATS?

If you don't agree that I had every right to be completely and OUTRAGEOUSLY terrified, well, I just don't understand your nonchalance.  I'm still on the phone and Kevin is saying "go to the window and LOOK, I'm sure it's NOTHING", but I've watched enough Law and Order to know that the people who go to the window either get killed first or see things that they don't want to see that THEN makes them the NEXT person to get killed somewhere down the line.  Someone who is 30 miles away who IS NOT SEEING THE FLASHLIGHT IN MY ROOM isn't helping me and the house is SILENT and no one else knows about the murderer/goat hoard/aliens and so I get OFF the phone ("yawn, it's SO late, I'm just GOING TO GO TO BED, night night now, NO BIGGIE.") and decide that I will SLEEP ON THE COUCH because THAT IS SAFE. (This is poor thinking, I know.)

I'm laying on this cold leather couch, stiff as board just WAITING and the damn cat won't shut up and he comes over and tries to lay RIGHT on my CHEST and I'm convinced that this cat (who is old with no teeth and who doesn't like to cuddle) is having some sixth sense about the criminal danger that we are both in when there is a HUGE crash and a deep rumble and the house shakes and then rain starts falling in bucket-sized drops.

And that is how I learn that lightening storms sometimes disguise themselves as serial killer with a flashlight.

***

Still on New Orleans shots from the Garden District.  (Jess- I can't wait to see if you have something similar!!)

On The Blathering 2012

The Blathering.  MAN.

I knew of the event in its first year, but it was just far enough away and I was just too shy and too removed from Internet life to feel comfy enough to meet these lovely ladies who were meeting so closeby.  I wanted to be in Chicago, I REALLY wanted to be in Austin, but NOW.  I finally made it to NOLA.

The benefit to (probably) being one of the last recappers for the weekend means that I can kind of see what everyone else has written and STEAL THEIR IDEAS.  Don't think I won't, new friends.  I CAN TALK A LOT, you might have noticed this by now. 

I think the thing about the Blathering is this: you will meet the most amazing ladies.  And you will LIKE them, you will want to know more about them, their families, their accomplishments.  You'll find insane senses of humor that match yours and people who like to just walk around as much as you do and people who don't think it's weird that you know more about their kids than you know about your coworkers kids.  And these people will know you, at least a little, and when they ask to meet up to get a meal or wait for a cab it will be NORMAL. Your inbox might grow a little and your texts might increase and your Twitter feed will explode.  You'll find your newest role models, people who you can reach out to, ladies that will inspire the crap out of you and make you want to be better and more and, at the same time, exactly who you are.

Here are the things *I* will not forget: 

- I have met lots of people at airports.  People I KNOW in REAL LIFE and have MET BEFORE.  And I've been awkward and uncomfortable and very "oh, remember me?! Now we're going to hang out and I haven't seen you in ages!"  This was NOT my experience.  I get off the plane, my almost-dead phone starts buzzing (with ANONYMOUS numbers because even though I STARTED the Facebook cell number posting, I didn't DO anything with it).  I meet @jayesel (happy and charming), @lauradiniwilk (hilarious and comfy instantly), @happilyeverme and @littlemissmel (GORGEOUS AND from near me- stealing her) and instantly we're talking about Blathering alibis and Jen's due date and BAM.  Four people I could comfortably rely on for the rest of the weekend in case everyone else was insane.

- @happilyeverme and I walk forever (STARVING) before... deciding on a lunch spot across the street from the hotel.  Po' Boys.  Talking to M about her babies and her work and, you guys- SHE IS FUNNY.  Beautiful and sweet and down-for-you in the way that makes you want to have many adventures together because she would never, ever leave you in a dark alley.

- I meet my Th night roommates (@rambleginger (of the perfect hair and famous politics who oozes kindness and smarts) and @barbetti (a great mom role model who is tall and sweet and is SERIOUSLY pretty)) for five minutes before caving for a supposedly quick nap.  Wake up and am walking around disoriented-ly when they come back from the evenings plans.  (Whoops.)  But it's ok because we stay up talking and laughing and I finish their drinks from Port of Call and I'm pretty sure I tell them about taking family road trips in a one-ton truck and sleeping on a shelf made for plants.  You can tell them anything.  Also, ask them about books you should read.

- Friday brunch at the Court of Two Sisters.  Light on the jazz, heavy on the cake options.  I give @shelikespurple (my internet soulmate) her first hug, order a screwdriver and luck into a table with her, @kristie999 (HOT and CLASSY), @rambleginger, @jesabesblog (BE HER FRIEND, she is wise) and @ebj123 (you adorable crafty genius, sorry about that bird poop).  Eat a biscuit in line, have too much (impossible) cheese on my omelet.

- Stroll with @snoozical (SO funny, completely down to Earth, AWESOME) and @megglesp (SHARP, so pretty, also instantly comfy).  Find a chandelier slightly out of budget ($185,000) and a gay wedding complete with a second-line parade.  Make a new friend at Lush who invites me to his drag show.

- Friday night dinner.  Meet almost everyone.  People are rad.  @twoadults (totally understands how much I want to squeeze her babies, GORGEOUS, funny) hangs out with me, even when @polkadot_hippo (Alligator Poem reader, RIDICULOUSLY witty, coming to a city near me) comes over and makes fun of my life-long desire for a Segway tour. 

- Saturday morning tour of Sucre, the Garden District, Lafayette Cemetery #1 with @happilyeverme, @mamabub (BEST roommate ever, sassy, AMAZING hair, SWEET as can be, FUN IN A MAJOR WAY) and @justexpressive (another of those people I've wanted to meet since forever, just as genuine and great as can be expected. This is repetitive, I KNOW, but she is also SO PRETTY.)  @justexpressive and I basically take the same exact pictures.

- Beignets with @mamabub, @lifeinatinytown (another super-mom, warm, incredibly friendly) and @sarabelleplaine (covet her hair, HILARIOUS, SMART).  Followed by headshots with @smmollahan (cute!, manages to be everywhere at once, very caring).  My MINOR Blathering regret is not shooting my headshot people FIRST THING because this ended up being my only shoot over the weekend and I'm so sad to have missed @mauralessa, @shelikespurple and @snoozical.

- Saturday night dinner.  Hanging out with my table ladies (all mentioned above except for @psuedostoops who is TALL and STUNNING and smart and @hbapothecary who is JUST AS ADVERTISED plus an EXTRA dose of awesomeness and sweetness).  Meeting @narmalie who is not only gorgeous and talented and funny, but in LOVE with her job, passionate about her family and New Orleans and education and GAH, listening to her and @psuedostoops? I WAS IN HEAVEN.

- Sunday morning breakfast goodbyes at the B&B.  Quick headshots (which are lovely) with @justexpressive, I'll show you soon.  Realizing that I missed so many ladies, some of who I spoke to a little, ALL of who I sincerely was excited to meet.  @booksnchickens, WHAT HAPPENED.  I HAD SO MUCH TO SAY TO YOU and you just IMAGINED ME A HUSBAND!  With photographic proof!  @Amy_Estes, you live close and thus CANNOT escape! @LittleLeafAsh, you didn't get to practice with my 50mm and I didn't get to fawn all over your bangs and Gabe and nerdy photo nerdiness.  @laurenpetron, @arwenelizabeth: We barely spoke, but I'm pretending we got more time in because I consider you BOTH internet bright spots, INTERNET SUPERNOVAS, in fact.  We'll catch up on all that unnecessary "talking" later.  

- I mentioned my MINOR regret, but my MAJOR regret? The same as everyone else: not getting to speak to everyone I wanted to and put them on speed dial.  Missing @simplykat and @stateiamin, not talking enough to @aprilapryll and @bearca and @andreaunplugged and @cluelesshopeful and @mrsdangelo and @tubasheila.  Sitting at a table with @notraisingbrats and @hillarycopsey and not saying MORE, because I LOVE them.  Not making @ericahuff adopt me.  Letting @regan talk me into her signature drink (The UBER classy Sparkling @Regan), but not making her tell me her running secrets.  Meeting @mauralessa after YEARS of considering her one of the sweetest and most LOVELY people on the internet and wanting to adopt her mom and make her let me shoot her wedding BUT THERE WAS NO TIME, I AM SORRY MAURA.  I need to go to PHILLY.

-Sunday.  The SAINTS/FALCONS game (thanks to @ericahuff and @regan, SERIOUS SERIOUS THANKS) with @smacdo03. Pretzels.  I don't have to say more because I WENT TO A SAINTS GAME AT THE SUPERDOME.  And Sarah is AMAZING company who sang the Star Spangled Banner like a foot away from me with the voice of an angel.  She is SO GREAT and easy to talk to and thank YOU too because it would NOT have been the same with anyone else.

- Staying with @snoozical and @Incog (seriously.  This gal is SO thoughtful and funny and delightful.  SO MUCH DELIGHT.) for one last night.  A perfect wind-down complete with a reappearing @rambleginger for another dinner and more beignets.  Even MORE Sucre the next morning and I bought a photo of a little girl (which didn't sound creepy until Susie pointed it out. "Oh, you went to New Orleans and you bought a little girl?" THANK YOU, SUSIE.)

* I was one of those people who really didn't want to name names because GAH! What if I forget someone?! So, please, forgive me if I did and let's text or something.  REALLY.

Also! I used Twitter handles because it seemed the most... anonymous? If you'd prefer different, PLEASE tell me and I'm happy to change or unlink ASAP.

UPDATE: DO YOU SEE WHAT I DID THERE? I just had to get out of bed because I MISSED A VERY, EXTREMELY important section.  I BASICALLY SKIPPED THE ORGANIZERS.  The very people who go OUT OF THEIR WAY to make our time awesome and special and organized and pretty.  I wish that I could have had more time with @adellstevens, @mightymaggie, @notthatyouasked and @insidedog along with the organizers I did get to hang out with a bit and mentioned up above.  Seriously, your committment to this event and to making everyone have a great time is phenomenal and SO appreciated and I know that YOU all are the very reason that WE all had so much fun.  THANK YOU.

***

This gorgeous dog (and his/her gorgeous friend) were somewhere in the Garden District.  I wanted to steal him, but then they started growling so maybe it was a good thing I didn't.  Also, my luggage was big, but not THAT big.

On Beignets

Clearly, I can no longer continue my countdown of days-in-a-row that I've posted.  Something had to give before The Blathering and, sadly, that was writing extra posts.  Writing isn't fast enough yet and coming up with enough fodder for SIX posts to make up the days that I would be gone ended up being overwhelming.  (Not to mention the likelihood of being REALLY, REALLY terrible to read.)  Oh, well.  Moving on. (Day one.) (Ha.)

***

I WILL write a Blathering post at some point, but there are so many things in my head and so many wonderful women that I would feel terrible if I missed and I don't want to neglect any part of the trip or anyone who was there.  Let's summarize for now: I met exclusively delightful people (this means ALL of the attendees) and was overjoyed to spend my time at each of The Blathering events. The Organizers truly put on a spectacular time and it's apparent that they really want to make the trip special for everyone who is there.  My main roommate @mamabub is a saint for taking a chance on a person who she didn't really know and was ALSO awesome and amazing and the BEST person to be with if you witness an almost-brawl at McDonald's, causing you to order room service and stay up forever talking.  THANK YOU, M. 

And I'll stop there because I have four other lovely roommates, a busload of people I talked to a lot,  and another busload of people I WISH I'd said more than a handful of sentences to.  

I loved it, it was better than I will ever be able to describe and more to come.

***

Let's talk about food.

I ate everything in Nola.  I had meals between my meals and ate a significant portion of Ginger's no-longer-in-the-airport-but-also-not-at-home dinner and beignets followed by candy followed by Sucre.  ETCETERA.  I'm not the type of person who can go to New Orleans and worry about what they're eating.  (TRUST ME.  I DID NOT EVEN TRY to SEE if I WAS the type.)  

Let's talk about weight.

The last few months have been a huge struggle for me weight wise.  I feel completely uncomfortable in my own body and I'm pretty sure I've scared away any sort of metabolic energy I once created with nightly workouts and less meals.  

I'm not sure what's so hard about this particular roadblock because I've been here before and it passes, right?  Eventually the needle moves in the right direction and you feel better and more energetic?  It's the same old story of not being able to muster up the right motivation and also being really, REALLY pissed off at myself for it.  Planning a trip to New Orleans was complete torture for me and I didn't mention it because who wants to hear someone WHINE about a girl's vacation in a city with amazing food and they feel... fluffy?  NO ONE.  I don't even want to listen to myself.

Fortunately, my non-plan of gaining pounds before the trip means that I did not really gain MORE pounds , but... that doesn't really make me feel better.  (Inside voice: How MUCH were you eating before that an UTTERLY GLUTONOUS weekend in a food capital does essentially nothing?)  Still, I didn't want to start an unsustainable weight loss plan smack in the middle of a trip where I was meeting 59 ladies for the first time. (I am rolling my eyes at my own convenient interpretation of the rules on this one.)

I'm absolutely a stress eater.  This isn't that tricky- things make me nervous and then all of a sudden I'm down one burrito, six chocolate bars and a bag of kale chips.  One of my coworkers tries to coordinate her breakfast/morning water run with my work arrival and the sheer anxiety of being forced into a routine means that I now go straight to the cafe without stopping at my desk.  And I buy a bagel with cream cheese as a preventative measure.  THIS IS HOW I OPERATE.

Anyway.  All that to say that I felt uncomfortable and body-shy and self-conscious the entire trip, but I'm going to do better.*  I have a juice cleanse planned for the next week or two (anyone care to weigh in on whether I should execute before or after Thanksgiving? Waiting seems like a cop-out, buying seems like a waste of money).  I have an actual juicer coming in the mail sometime soon.  I'm channeling ladies like Amy and Jennie for planning walks and runs and yoga.  I'm hoarding juice recipes via the generousity of my (sadly) Tokyo based uber-friend A.  I'm sure it will be fine in no time.

(* It's hard NOT to say too much about the Blathering, but I should point out that although *I* was not in the most confident of moods, it was one of the only times I have been in a room full of women and not felt like I was being silently judged.  REALLY.  The ladies are all THAT good.)

***

Some fun shots of a gate in the Garden District, New Orleans (near 7th and Magazine).  

(Followed by a bonus photo of my sweet little niece.  Because I think y'all will appreciate it.)

On trophies

Six.

***

1. I am miserable at receiving compliments.

Everyone is SO nice and says such nice THINGS and I... cringe.  And I'm so thankful for your lovely words, really, I AM.  But as gracious as I like to think I am, compliments leave me frantic and I don't know how to respond like a normal human being.  

You are all very nice.  THANK YOU.  Times a million.

2. I apologize a lot.

My awesome friend, A (who is my very first friend that went from BEST FRIEND/PERSON ON EARTH to blog reader instead of the other way around) pointed out that I apologized a lot in my video.  And it's true, I apologize a whole heck of a lot.  I'm sorry.

3. I was once tricked into going to a rave and it's kind of a fun story.

So, I had (have?) this friend.  And she's a very nice girl, but we're pretty different.  She's not a big drinker, but she's a huge partier.  She is almost in her mid-30s, but when we were hanging out a few years ago she was going to clubs at least 3 or 4 nights a week.  I think she likes the vibe and the feeling of being young, etc.  

Now, if you invite me to go out on a Thursday night when we have to go to work the next day and I live 40 miles away from our destination, I'm PROBABLY NOT GOING TO DRINK.  I suspect that she especially liked that about me.  We kind of became this team of girls that showed up and drove people around and had fun but didn't drink and... well, I probably should just include #4 here in this story: I'm really kind of bad at saying no.

At one point, she convinces me that a bunch of her friends are going to a really fun music festival in LA.  We rent this house in the Hollywood Hills (which is gorgeous and I sleep on the couch (see #4) and there's a wonderful pool) and when the day comes for this festival is TURNS OUT IT IS EDC.  I should tell you that the REASON I discovered that we're going to a giant rave is because I'm getting ready to wear a strapless dress reminiscent of J Crew and I noticed they'd taken out body glitter, neon fishnet and booty shorts.

Updated to add this photo from the evening in question.  Note how they attempted to recitfy my poor planning with glitter:

I don't really have anything against raves and it would have been fun, maybe, IF SOMEONE HAD WARNED ME.  Except for the 16 year olds in what amounts to underwear because I am worried about them and there are MANY dark corners and hordes of people and a lot of them are probably on drugs.  (It is ENTIRELY possible that I was one of maybe three people who were NOT on drugs and I am kind of old enough to be their PARENT and I wanted to give them all cardigans.)  There was very little to eat, drinks were CRAZY expensive, it didn't feel like there was enough water for this BLAZING hot evening and lots of people were so out of it that they just sat down where ever they were and everyone kind of... stepped on them.

Please don't feel judged if you ever invite me to a music festival and I ask lots of follow up questions.

***

One of the outrageous things I said in my video yesterday was "Look at my ACHIEVEMENTS" with a sweeping arm gesture.  Followed by "next, I will show you my trophies" and a stage whisper of "I don't actually have any trophies." This is a lie and so here it is: my trophy.  Now you've seen it all.