1. I'm not NOT writing about last Friday for any particular reason. SO many people have done it and have crafted beautiful posts, etc. It's not just that I don't have anything new to add, it's not that I think nonsense on my blog (me me me) is more important. I just have Very Big Feelings about it while ALSO feeling like it's so far away from anything I can understand (although I don't think empathy really equals assumed ownership) and I can't sum it up and, well, it's there. Like it is for everyone, I think.
2. I assume everyones schedule is jam-packed and insane right now, but hopefully yours involves more cookies and parties and sparkly dresses. I haven't had a cookie (save for a few Candy Cane Oreos I used to hold me over from my morning stress bagel to my 4pm lunch) and I skipped a party I was SO excited about last Friday because it started at 8pm and I got home from work about 830. I don't own a sparkly dress. I have bought three gifts for Christmas and this afternoon I realized that THAT IS HAPPENING IN ABOUT THREE DAYS, HOLY BAJEEZ. One of the gifts I bought turned out to be a microscopic doll and although my 4 yr old niece is small, she's not THAT SMALL, AMAZON.
I'm fortunate (?) that my company closes down between Christmas and New Year's, but while this seems exciting! and wonderful! and permissive!, it is also a bit of a PAIN IN THE ASS because it just means that there are THINGS that have to be accomplished NOW and if they are not accomplished there will be NO ONE to do them later and then I'll be over a week behind. I am having stress nightmares about our international partners emailing me and saying if I miss a deadline before the New Year something won't happen and things won't ship and I WILL DESTROY EVERYTHING. But I won't GET that email because we're TECHNICALLY CLOSED and I will come back on Jan 2nd or 3rd (I should clear up when that date actually IS) and everything will be ruined. RUINED.
Clearly, I am a hair stressed.
And then tonight was my first big Christmas-y event, the Christmas Pageant/Concert/Thing at my nephew's school and I picked up my mom to save her from driving and parking and taking herself since she's on the way and I use my heater (I suspect she doesn't use the heater in her car because it uses up some expensive... car resource that does not exist). It was so cute and my nephew actually sang with his class this year (the first graders) and the kindergartners BELTED their song and everyone was DARLING and I got to hold my two-month-old niece who was wearing a penguin hat and LO! HOLIDAY SPIRIT arrived on the wings of a brilliant, packed church and small-people voices.
Which was soon ruined because sometimes my mom is anxious socially and she solves this problem by picking on the people around her and being awkward and lashing out at her family and she MEANS WELL, I KNOW she doesn't UNDERSTAND her own actions and their effects, but MAN. IT CAN BE THE WORST. I'd like to think I handle these situations well, but I'm sure in reality I don't respond appropriately. I should get that I'm not going to get her to understand my position. I should get that she's capable of change, but maybe not that one. I should be kinder and more understanding and let the words and the in-the-moment insults just kind of fade away until she feels silly, but (as you might be able to tell by that incredibly outrageous paragraphy about WORK STRESS DREAMS) I just don't feel CAPABLE right now. And there are so many ISSUES there (and for her there is always one HUGE one that she pulls out whenever I disagree with her) (not the baby thing, despite tonight's tweet) and I wish we could all just manage ourselves for a little while. My emotional fuel is dangerously low and that's a rough place when I can't just say how I feel and somehow need to be the bigger person. MAYBE TODAY I CAN BE THE LITTLE PERSON. (Probably not.)
3. I have a lot (A LOT) of good.
I shot an AMAZING wedding earlier this month and got to hang out with some internet friends and it was PHENOMENAL. (I shot ANOTHER internet friend just after Thanksgiving and her family was so beautiful and I had so much FUN. I sometimes find it odd that I ever thought the internet was full of strange people (although, well, at the time I had plenty of experience backing up THAT theory too). I'm so pleased to have found all the BEST Internet People.)
My family made Christmas tamales when I was in New Orleans. This means that I don't have to do ANY dinner cooking for the day and ALSO, I did not have to do any PREP in November and I THINK WE CAN ALL AGREE THAT WAS GREAT PLANNING.
My tiny niece was baptized last Saturday and she's so cute and it's fun to REMEMBER that and there's Chrism and AH. THAT was a good day. My sister made tacos. I got her a fair trade stuffed lamb. (Hippie.) (Me.)
I LOVE my job. Even the stress dreams don't take anything away from it.
Last night I met up with an old coworker (from the Job from Hell) and it was fun and she's looking for a new job and I might be able to help her. It would be nice to have more people I like around me and it would be AWESOME to get her on board with my company (for everyone). Also, there was wine and beet bruschetta and avocado bruschetta.
My Birchbox had Kerastase samples. Who could ask for anything more?
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I'm going to post the rest of my New Orleans pictures here because (at my posting rate) you'd still be seeing them in MARCH. Ah, New Orleans. That's ANOTHER great thing.
